...And you tell yourself too: 'Something is beginning.'
Something begins in order to end: an adventure doesn't let itself be extended; it achieves significance only though its death. Towards this death, which may also be my own, I am drawn irrevocably. Each moment appears only to bring on the moments after. To each moment I cling with all my heart: I know that it is unique, irreplaceable - and yet I would not lift a finger to prevent it from being annihilated. This last minute I am spending - in Berlin, in London - in the arms of this woman whom I met two days ago - a minute I love passionately, a woman I am close to loving - it is going to come to an end, I know that. In a little while I shall leave for another country. I shall never find this woman again or this night. I study each second, I try to suck it dry; nothing passes which I do not seize, which I do not fix forever within me, nothing, neither the ephemeral tenderness of these lovely eyes, nor the noises in the street, nor the false light of dawn: and yet the minute goes by and I do not hold it back, I am glad to see it pass.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time - It's easy.
All you need is love!
The sun is shining and I enjoy all the classes that I am enrolled in. Apparently, it is really hard to buy alcohol here in Canada. You must go to an actual liquor store because the Safeways only sell 5% and nothing more! Plus it's really expensive. And I finally had the chance to do laundry! My clothes smell so clean. I sent in my first homework assignment for my conservation class. (Oh, I might as well list the courses I'm taking....)
Here is my course list: 1. Environment and Urban Reform - this class is quite challenging but I hope to make good use of it. It's a 4th year course for those who are studying architecture and landscape; with the topic of sustainability and environment at the center. I analyze designs and patterns of landscape and compare them through an environmental lens. I don't really know what I'm doing.
2. History and Philosophy of Science - probably my favorite course at UBC. We discuss what science is and what it is supposed to do. I'm also reading the works of philosophers and scientific theory. Pretty neat!
3. Recreation and Conservation Planning - Just your ordinary conservation class about Canada's protected areas. Pretty cool. Back to the basics class. A lot of the students are from the department of forestry.
4. Critical Studies in Sexuality - My "for fun" class. We look at the historical and cultural perspective of sexuality. That's pretty much it. The title is self-explanatory.
Anyway, so I sent in my first assignment for my conservation/recreation class. It was a personal reflection and I wrote about SANTA CRUZ! How I miss Santa Cruz and all of its beautiful biodiversity and its beautiful people.
Yesterday I went back to my roots and visited Chinatown. There, I ate mooncake and bought wintermelon pasteries. And I even bought some groceries to cook with. I'm so lucky to not have school on Wednesdays. Maybe I'll take it as a day to travel around Vancouver. :)
My TO-DO list is filled and I'm so happy that I'm checking so many items off!! Once it's halfway completed, I'll post it up ^____^. Hahaha, I think I should start on some homework.
[edit] Upon my arrival to Vancouver, I purchased a phonecard with about 600 minutes so I could talk internationally. Now I'm down to 2 minutes and I guess I could buy another phonecard..OR maybe a better idea would be to transition to my skype account? hint hint. I'm usually always on. :\ wish I had more than 8 contacts. Only 3 of them ever come on. - one that is at UBC, currently - one in Sweden (the timing is always crazy and opposite) .. :( - one in LA
WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL MY OTHER HOMIES. HUUHHH? I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE SKYPE. jerks. ;D
[this entry was dated 9/10/09] just never really published it...
" death is not the end of life, it is merely the end of the body we inhabit in this life, but our spirit will still remain and seek out through the need of attachment, attachment to a new body and new life. "
Email from my Dad: PoPo ate all of her breakfast. The nurse told her she would be back later to give her a shower. PoPo waved to the nurse and smiled. A few minutes later when the nurse came back for the shower...PoPo already stopped breathing.... That was 8:15am.... Both mom and I think PoPo passed away very peacefully and did not suffer at all. She was very considerate, if there was such a thing.... and waited until you were well settled in. She left us with grace. I want you not to feel too bad about PoPo. She is now in a happier place, looking down at us and secretly protecting us.
On the morning that she passed away, I was sound asleep in my dorm room in Vancouver. The news hadn’t reached me yet until I opened my phone. What I received was the message shown above. As I recollected my thoughts, still half woozy from the sleep, I remembered a cute white widow spider in my dream. I was going about trying to catch it. As the day went on, it struck me as weird that I dreamt of a white widow on the day my Grandma died. Here's what I found out. ...
The color white symbolizes purity and enlightenment. And the widow comes when it is time to prepare ourselves for new events in our lives…to get ready for a new turn in our life’s direction. The widow reminds us that all things come into “a web” of understanding in good time. And that we should simply continue about the business of spinning our web of daily life and all good things will come.
Ironically, if there is such a thing, she left for a better place, on the first day I began school. And even as my parents put it, she was very considerate, and waited until I was well settled in. She left us with grace, but before she left, she reminded me to be strong and continue living life while secretly watches over me.
